usingtimewisely:

usingtimewisely:

My dog turns three in one hour.

The joke is that I put a beer in his bowl because he’ll be turning 3 which is 21 in dog years. I have been planning this joke for a week.

(via hellyeahrecklessandbrave)

hungry-hobbits:

supevah:

Thinking bout life

is this animal crossing

(via drunken-hour)

dashb0arcl:

how am I expected to make real life decisions when I still go up the stairs on all fours

(via batman-is-boss)

(via f0ster-the-vampire-kittens)

bigstupidbaby:

talking in an irish accent is so HARD how do irish people do it all the time??? very impressive

(via batman-is-boss)

youremydirtydisease:

crrrash:

• you have never seen your own face, only reflections and pictures
• something is always touching you
• you can always see your nose
• your tongue never sits comfortably in your mouth
• you will never feel something exactly the same way someone else does
• you can’t imagine a new colour

this ruined my life

(via castiel-the-assbutt)

chibibuizel:

this whole game is comedy gold

(via batman-is-boss)

oaf-whisperer:

They call me girl

They call me Stacey

They call me her

They call me Esteban Julio Montoya De La Rosa Ramírez

That’s not my name 

That’s not my name

That’s not my name

That’s not my name

(via dr-john-twatson)

fandomstucknipplelicker:

barack-o-llamas:

hey neighbor

iM LAUGHING SO HARD I THOUGHT THAT WAS A GIANT PICKLE

(via goodrabbit)

(via dr-john-twatson)

egberts:

intercourse more like yes of course

(via th-edraizetrain)

dollyfarton:

ineedmasculism:

lundsdotter:

The strongest ‘pound for pound’ muscle is the uterus: it weighs around 2 pounds but during childbirth can exert a downward force of 400 Newtons, which is one hundred times as strong as gravity and equivalent to the power in a fully extended modern longbow. 

I need masculism because I am afraid.

you should be

(via dr-john-twatson)

(via indier0kkerr)

fer1972:

Salto de Fe by Omar Ortiz

(via dr-john-twatson)

mrsroderichedelstein13:

im-deadpool-god-dammit:

coolstoryno:

cthulhu-with-a-fez:

laughcentre:

allmonds:

sluttyoliveoil:

allmonds:

stand:

I

I DONT GET IT SOMEONE EXPLAIN

i understand

THEN FUCKIBG TELL ME

8 times
8 times I have scrolled past this
I now understand

I UNDER STAND

Someone explain this frealz

i understand

OMG I UNDER STAND I HAD TO SCROLL PAST SO MANY TIMES

(via teajamandsherlock)